Start The School Year On The Right Foot
BY NEIL MCNERNEY, M.ED., LPC
PARENTING
WITH PURPOSE
Now that
the new school year has started and you are frantically getting the second
round of school supplies, I thought I would share some ideas that might actually
reduce your stress when it comes to your kids and schoolwork.
There has
been a pretty big shift in thinking about study skills, but most of us parents
(and especially students) are unaware of it. In this column, I will debunk some
myths and will hopefully increase the enjoyment, or at least decrease the
dread, of homework.
Set up a homework space, but study in lots of
places.
There are lots of articles that tell parents to
have a dedicated study place for kids. Recent research is telling us that studying
in the same place every time is actually not a good idea. It’s important that
there be a place where all the books and supplies are located, but it is not so
important that students use the area to study. In fact, most research is
telling us that learning is better when homework is done in multiple locations.
Some kids need to work around others, so having them isolated is a bad idea.
Some kids like to do their math at one place and their social studies somewhere
else. Fantastic, let them do that.
One of the most interesting ideas that has come out
in recent years about learning is that some distractibility is actually a good
thing. A bit of distraction puts the brain in better focus and, for most kids,
will increase the ability to perform and remember better. This is why some kids
do much better having some music on while they are studying. Again, research
has supported the fact that having background music helps most kids stay
focused. Background music does tend to get in the way of reading assignments,
but for most other assignments it actually helps performance. Television is
still a complete no-no during studying. It is so distracting that the ability
to focus decreases dramatically when the TV is on.
Study at different times of the day.
Another myth that has been debunked is that
students should study at the same time each day. For most families these days
this is an impossible task. The good news is that learning actually increases
if studying happens at different times. So don’t worry so much about the
timing. Find what works for your child.
Remember that willpower is like a fuel tank. It
will become empty.
We used to think that willpower was like a muscle:
The more you exercised willpower, the more you would have. Actually, willpower
is like a fuel tank: Once it’s empty it’s very hard to get anything done. This
explains why some kids can’t come right home from school and start their
homework. Their tank is empty. You might be able to get them to sit in front of
their books, but they will just sit there and whine.
The good news about filling the willpower fuel tank
is that it doesn’t take long to add some to the tank. Fifteen minutes of
relaxation can fill the tank enough for a half hour of homework time,
especially if the relax time is physical. Get your kids to run around for a
while doing something physical and their ability to stay focused will increase
dramatically.
Focus on hard work, not intelligence.
When adults compliment kids on their intelligence,
performance decreases. When adults compliment kids on their hard work,
performance increases. This is an important fact to keep in mind when it comes
to giving feedback to your kids. For instance, if you are reviewing math facts
and it’s going well, try saying something like “Great job! You worked really
hard on this,” instead of: “Great job! You are so smart!”
Never forget that your kids don’t need your help.
They need your leadership.
This is
one of the most important ideas I focus on in my book: Homework – A Parent’s Guide To Helping Out Without Freaking Out It
seems counter-intuitive. “Of course my kids need my help,” you might be
thinking. The problem is that the more we think our kids need our help, the
more dependent they will become on us. The origins of the word “help” implies
that I cannot do something on my own. Kids know this, which is why they often
react negatively when we help them. Leading them, on the other hand, is
something they need. When we are a leader, we are not doing it for them.
Leadership is more about inspiring, reminding, and at times rewarding and
punishing. I will share more ideas about leadership in a future column.
Keep
these ideas in mind as the school year begins and see if it helps with some of
the beginning of the year struggles!
Neil
McNerney is a licensed counselor and author of Homework – A Parent’s Guide To Helping Out Without Freaking Out!
For more information go to www.neilmcnerney.com
